Where is my family?

I don't get it.

10.5 years ago my mother passed away. That was pretty much the last time I saw my sisters and nephews...and I don't know why!

It's official; February 3 is my 46th surgery...a hysterectomy. I'm not afraid of surgery, obviously, but there are risks. BIG ones. At least half of my surgeries were in my abdomen so there is massive scaring. Plus I don't handle anesthesia well anymore.

Today I saw my gynecologist and we discussed the surgery, which made it much more real. All day I've been thinking about how my mother died. It's a story I will tell at another time, but her death was actually pretty ugly. It was related to the stuff I've been dealing with for 8 years or more. But while thinking about that, I got to thinking about my sisters and nephews. Why aren't they speaking to me? I've asked one nephew but he won't tell me. He was my favorite too!

I love my life now, don't get me wrong, but I miss my biological family. My father is a loss..in so many ways, so it would be nice to be able to talk to my sisters. I think about them all the time and I know they are on facebook, but they won't answer my messages. What's the deal?

I HATE not having answers to things, especially when people won't talk to me! People have told me to just let it go, forget about it, but how can I? They're family! I have so many good memories (a lot on home videos!) with all of them, but I don't know why they are silent! Several people have told me the same thing happened to them when a family member died. That doesn't help. I just didn't think my family would be like this! If I did something, I would just like to know what...and if it's possible to fix it!

I'm very fortunate to have Aric and Angellica. My life is so good I wish I could share it with the rest of my family!

Oh, and this includes my son, but that's a story for another time!

Am I really that horrible?